Texas
So Thursday the 10th the Baroness and I got up wicked early and drove out to Providence to catch a flight down to Texas. Unfortunately time and money was short so we had a whirlwind itinerary; first fly to Huston, then drive to West Columbia in a rented car to visit with BVH's aunt and uncle, then out to San Antonio to see Diomedes of Maine/NYC/San Antonio and Captain Teeth (I may finally have a good nickname there) and then out to Austin to go to Z's wedding. Things went moderately according to plan.



The flights: Quite frankly, the older I get, the more flying freaks me out, and the more time I dwell on just how terrifying/awful a plane crash would be. Somehow I can ride a bike or drive, both more likely to kill me, I think and I'm okay-I think it's the illusion of complete control. In any case, these were not fun flights overall. We were on Southwest to save cash, but the boarding system left us in the back of the plane each time (eh) and with brief layovers in Philly. Worse, on the way back both flights had screaming kids for the entire flight, leaving me with a persistent headache. On the way there a bevy of middle aged bimbos were on their way to renting an RV to go to a San Antonio motorcycle rally and were busy getting wasted and saying retarded things to flirt with the middle aged guys around them. Bleach. Worse, this was before noon! On the plus side I did read a lot and even got a fair amount of gaming work done (Gruesome Gertie, The Cooler, and King Rat are now ready to go).

Driving: While drivers in Boston can be truly insane, at least they can handle merging when they want to. As far as I could tell, 50-90% of the drivers we encountered in Texas could not handle merging. Furthermore, their highway signs are so freaking tiny and show up so late it can be really hard to catch them. On the plus side the scenery on the first half to two-thirds of our trip between West Columbia and San Antonio was actually pretty impressive to an Eastern like me-huge expanses of ranch land like an ocean of land (flat plus no trees tends to freak me out) with plenty of cows, egrets (Uncle B. told us to watch for anyone mowing or using a tractor as the egrets follow the machines to get at the bugs they stir up and that was damned neat) and even vultures and unidentified raptors flying about. There was also a lot of local color-more trucks than I ever though I'd see, a kid (14 maybe) driving a tractor on the highway, and plenty of hole-in-the-wall joints. At one point I realized that the final scene of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was frighteningly plausible-you really could run out of the brush on the side of a two lane highway and get hit by an 18-wheeler going 80. Also, I had to ask directions once and I swear the first lady I got was a still-living Grandma Chainsaw. Oh, yeah, and ever gas stations sells singles in a big cooler in the front, and all sell beef jerky, and some even sell whole lines of foodstuff like pecan syrup and other things I'd never heard of before. This is what I wanted to see on the road. Unfortunately, once we got in close to San Antonio (and lunch time) the local places got fewer and farther between, and we saw more and more chains and strip malls (although for a while the unfamiliar ones provided amusement, especially gas station/rest stop Buc-ees and it's humorous bill boards that promised clean restrooms). In fact, the strip between San Antone and where Diomedes lives was nothing but one big recycling strip mall alternating with gated communities (shudder) and which even included a discount casket joint and gigantic churches located inside warehouses. Ugh. Inside Austin it was better, with local businesses and some very nice buildings (including the beautiful Star of Texas Inn where we stayed and also the capitol building). Finally, I think our rental car was *THIS* close to blowing it's transmission, and that certainly kept things...interesting.

Food: Okay, so I was put on a mission to get genuine BBQ, but unfortunately bringing BVH with me made that difficult, and in the end I blew my chances and ended up eating at The County Line in San Antonio, which is apparently a decent chain. It was good (and the beans were totally bizarre to me, being kind of like a thin chili rather than the Boston Baked I'm used to-also the potato salad was good and distinctive with something pickled in it) but not really much if at all better than Red Bones in Davis. I tried a couple of unfamiliar fast food chains on the road-Sonic was fucking disgusting, while Whataburger actually made a damned good burger and I found Jack in the Box's breakfast sandwich nasty as hell. I also only had a single good cup of coffee the whole trip (some decent, but not good) and that was, strangely, at the restaurant on the country club that Uncle B. and Aunt G. live on (which is an odd combined tennis/golf area and gated community that was started by the oil company Uncle B. had worked for). Diomedes and Captain Teeth also took us to a really good Mexican restaurant where I first realized that a Mariachi Band could become irritating (they were right next of us for most of the meal) but my rather conventional choice of enchilada plate turned out to be just okay-it was good but not anything that blew me away; maybe my expectations were way too high? In Austin, though we went to dinner with Stone and E. at Chuy's and I had some sensational Hatch Beef tacos and the best refried beans I've ever tasted (the rice wasn't bad either, but it was the beans that were to die for). The flan I split with BVH was really good too. Finally the night after the wedding I again blew a chance to try and give Texas BBQ a second shot and instead hit Shady Grove (I think that's the name), a road-house style place on the same strip as Chuy's. There I had the best fucking Chicken Fried Steak I've ever tasted, but unfortunately I had had way too much wine at the wedding and came in too hungry, so I made the mistake of blowing my appetite on trying a "Frito Pie" which I heard mentioned a few times (basically think nachos with a Frito base and you get the idea). Oh, and damn, I wish we had Shiner's out here, they make some damned good beer! At the airport I discovered that Austin Java makes a really good imitation of Starbuck's coffee.

The Sightseeing: We didn't get a chance to do much, but besides what we saw driving I did drag BVH up to the Alamo, and it was, as always, very interesting to see where a major historical/folkloric event happened, but the small size of the complex that remains meant it was very crowded and had not a whole lot for the novice. There's a decent museum in one of the surviving walls and I was able to pick up on the history a bit there. We also went along the river walk in San Antonio, which was nice but had clearly been Disneyfied and turned into an outdoor mall, with only theme restaurants for the most part (Dick's Last Resort? The Hard Rock Cafe? The Rainforest Cafe? Ugh). We got a good laugh when one host tried to get us to go into an "Irish" pub and when we figured out that the bizarrely accoutered girl in thigh high boots and an impossibly short skirt was a waitress at the "British" pub. I did get to see my first Mariachi band (since it was outdoors a more pleasant experience than later that night) and also my first Texas Ranger, so that was cool. Later BVH returned my Alamo favor by dragging me into a tour boat that goes along the river walk and it was nice to get an idea of the size and history of it, though the lame jokes and terrifying red neck family on board didn't help much. On the other hand the very opposite stereotype family, with a Laura-Bush-look-alike for a matriarch, was actually pretty nice, though I now know I should never, ever imitate the way anyone says their home state/city (a woman with a strong Texas accent trying to say "Boston" with a "Boston" accent can make you appreciate how good a job the cast of The Departed did with it). Diomedes and Captain T. also took us to a local townie bar they frequent for cheap drinks and I was unable to guess that it was supposed to be a pub (electronic dart boards and dark wood do not equal pub), but I ended up singing karaoke (Should I Stay or Should I Go and, at BVH's suggestion, Rosalita, so, yeah, I sang Springsteen in Texas) and it was an interesting experience proving that a townie bar is a townie bar is a townie bar. Stone and E. and BVH and I also went to the Zilker Botanical Gardens, where the highlight was seeing an armadillo (which for us Yankees was damned awesome) crawling around in the brush. I have a feeling we were seeing the Gardens off-season or we went to the wrong areas or something.

Accomidations: Uncle B. and Aunt G. were nice enough to put us up in the lodge at their place, which was very nice after a long flight but did slightly remind me of the hotel where Josh Brolin hides out from Javier Bardeem in No Country for Old Men, so I half expected to get killed by hitmen. Oh, yeah, we also saw a freaking lift-kitted golf cart in front of it, complete with an extra seat from a full size car on the back (it may have been a sort of mini-dump truck/off-road maitenance vehicle, actually) and a prong-horn skull on the front, which was quite a sight. Anyways, the other place we stayed (besides D's house) was the Star of Texas Inn, which was an absolutely beautiful old Victorian house converted into a bed-and-breakfast, where we never talked to the owners (a code to get in was left for us) and only saw the cook in the mornings, though sadly we only got breakfast once. They had some pretty nice cookies, too, and the room was very comfortable, 2 blocks from the site of the wedding, and just all around awesome, I highly recommend it.

The People: It was awesome meeting Uncle B. and Aunt G., as I've heard bits about them before but didn't really know what to expect. Very down to earth people, very nice, and I got to hear all kinds of stories, which I enjoy. It really made me wish that BVH had been able to meet any of my great aunts and uncles or grandparents, but oh well. Seeing Diomedes and Captain T. again was also a blast, and hanging out with Stone and E. was a lot of fun too. It was good to have someone to express amazement with over things like armadillos.

The Wedding: Last but not least we got to see the wedding (and talk to the bride and groom, however briefly) and it was a very nice ceremony-I don't think I've ever seen one of the intended's parents officiate but Z's dad did a great job and the toasts delivered by he, W's father, Sparky77 (the maid of honor) and best man were all very good indeed (I think this will be the first and last time I'll see a toast that includes a chorus and the best man singing to the tune of one of the songs from The Pirates of Penzance). Best of all bride and groom seemed extremely happy, which I usually take as a good sign. It was interesting to talk to Sparky77, too, though I didn't expect to find out about Alpaca Teddy Bear making Cruella DeVille's. Oh, and I discovered that from the shape of my head I was clearly genetically designed to never convert to Judaism, or at least I would need to go all the way to being Hasidic so I could wear a hat that would actually fit (unless they don't wear those inside, in which case I would just need a custom made yamika).